By Bill Bumerton
Big Dawg, have you ever seen something like this political season in your 100-plus years?
Me either.
It’s amusing, Big Dawg, that that guy with the funny hair, the Trumpster, says he will have a wall built on the southern border to keep out illegals from Mexico, and then force Mexico to pay for it. He’s also, I believe, threatening to do the same at our northern border.
He also wants to keep out all Muslims.
This isolation attitude is funny because if these isolation ideas were in place in the 1880s his grandfather – Friedrich Drump – would likely not been allowed into this country and the foundation for the Trump Financial Empire would not exist, and the Trumpster would not be the blowhard he is, which would be good for all of us.
Instead, he’d be in Germany trying to get a wall built to keep out all the Syrians fleeing their country to save their lives.
This guy, Big Dawg, is due for another big fall – a moral bankruptcy if you will. Sometime soon the majority of the American people are going to catch on to this bully, this act, and turn him off. Then this clown can stand on a street corner in Manhattan and insult all he wants those who walk by and we won’t care.
How can a clown smile so much and be hated so much?
That would be hard to do in a circus, but the circus that is Ted Cruz seems to live on even as the hatred for him rises every time he opens his mouth to either lie or make promises that are too ugly to even consider. He is so out of touch with reality of real life that you have to pinch him to see if HE is real.
Cruz is so far to the right on issues that if he takes one more step he will fall off this flat Earth, which he likely also believes. How anybody can actually vote for him is the biggest mystery of all and should put a frown on any real clown.
Marco Rubio is a man who has no patience for a place like the stalemated Senate, so he has given up on it, is rarely there for votes, and has moved to take his clown act nationally as a presidential candidate. In other words, Big Dawg, if he can’t play the game the way he wants, he’s taking his ball (or marbles) and going home.
Good luck, Charlie Brown.
Dr. Ben Carson is a nice man who has no business leaving the OR room. What he is doing on the national stage is not funny, and he should not be considered a clown in the true sense of a clown, other than he has no clue what he says, and we can’t make sense of what he says.
But, Big Dawg, he will leave an imprint on our national consciousness for his ability to close his eyes while he speaks. It’s a sure bet that comedians for the next decade or so will use it in their stand-up routines and keep this clown act fresh in our minds.
I’m not sure, though, Big Dawg, that I would want him operating on me. It’s tough enough for surgeons to get it right with their eyes open.
Big Dawg, I feel sorry for Jeb. There must have been little genetic material left when the youngest Bush was made. He’s a good clown. But while all the other clowns have joined the big time in the biggest tent in the world, he is seen milling around at sideshows with smaller circuses in smaller towns.
He’s a good clown mascot. Just pet him on the head and move on.
John Kasich is another good clown, except when it comes to protecting women who have been raped. Then he turns into a sad clown. There is no smiley face for those women. He then turns into judge and jury and will make sure they give life to that baby they were forced to conceive.
Sorry, Big John, but you need to get some empathy at the nearest fill-it-up station before you can continue your clown act. The judge and the jury say so.
Bernie Sanders is too serious to be a clown, although, Big Dawg, he is one for his rumpled hair and dress if nothing else. He’d fit right in, in that way.
Sanders has touched up against some frightening figures in his life, including the socialist Eugene Debs, who founded the Industrial Workers of The World and five times ran for president under the Socialist Party of America banner.
I don’t know if he was ever a communist, Big Dawg, but he’s far enough left to brush up against the Big Red and raise some concerns. That in itself should make him a clown candidate.
If the race for president comes down to Cruz and Sanders the philosophical gulf between them would be so great it would make the Grand Canyon look like a crack in the ceiling.
Big Dawg, I can’t put Hillary Clinton in a clown suit all by herself. It has to be packaged deal with husband Bill. More precisely, I’m going to call those two “The Clinton Machine” and put a big smiley face on the front and back of it as it plows through America’s small towns, its big cities, and, of course, parks in a reserved spot at Wall Street.
It’s almost funny – although I’m actually crying – that the Hillary part of The Clinton Machine reportedly was worth a minus $8 million 15 years ago and now is worth an estimated $31 million.
How anything – including a big political machine – can actually have $8 million in negative assets proves without a doubt that Hillary is worth it to be a clown. If you, Big Dawg, or I would run up $8 million in debt we would not only be clowns but we would have to be the favorite clowns of some big financial Wall Street Clowns.
Throw in Bill’s contribution to The Clinton Machine’s net worth you reach at least a figure of $111 million. Not bad for the man from Hope. I would wish upon you Big Dawg that you had that kind of hope.
For all that, the Clintons deserve to be the owner of the clown factory. They have all kinds of smiley faces they can plaster on as the machine winds its way down America’s pathways.
If The Clinton Machine gets back in the White House go quickly to your stockbroker and place all the money you can muster on Wall Street because you can become a rich smiley clown almost as quickly as you can say “Jackie Robinson” if that happens.
We need a woman in the White House, not a clown. For that, I would vote for Elizabeth Warren. But since she is outside clown territory that is a no-go.
One other fact about all these clowns, especially the ones that want to carpet bomb the bad guys in the Middle East until the desert sand glows, is that none of them have served in the military.
None.
That is zero.
Zilch.
So there you have it Big Dawg, the big tent is being put up, all the clowns are putting on their smiley faces, popcorn is popping, and all the elephants (and Donkeys) are being unchained and we are about ready for another edition of the Biggest Show on Earth.
“C’mon right down, Big Dawg, don’t miss a minute. See it all if you are quick enough. See the freaks, the weird people, all alive, waiting for you inside. This show is one of a kind, the world’s greatest gathering of human curiosities. You have read about them in the newspapers, you’ve seen them on television, and they are all waiting for you on the inside.”
One more thing, Big Dawg, vote early and vote often.
