TERRY MOSHER
Everybody here has gone lovesick, especially the first time as a young teen. I’m sure of that. So I’m not going to tell you about something unique, but I will tell you when the lightning and thunder struck, it had me in a thither and that feeling has struck with me through thick and thin.
It happened when I was 15, which is about a million years ago. It turned out to be a long-distance relationship because I was on the Left Coast and she was on the Right Coast.
That relationship ended with a “Dear John” letter one day and with it my heart sank to lows that were unbelievable. She got married to the new guy and they have had a good life, but when you are a young teen it hurts more than anybody would know or care. So you sulk alone and for a long time that was me as I slowly wound my way through what I have always said where my “Dark Years.”
I have been listening to American Routes from Louisiana, as I always do when I write, and this son by Chris Smither, “No Love Today” came pouring out and set my heart on fire to the point it raised that memory of my first major love back to the front of my mind.
I had heard this song before by another group, but this one is the original and it nearly brought tears to me as I listen. So I’ll give you the song’s lyrics to give you a hint of what I am going through as I listen.
“I don’t know much, when I knew less,
And I was heartbroke for the first time,
I was drowning in my tears,
I went looking for a lifeline,
Trying to find some comfort,
A simple tender touch,
Searching for some little cure
That would not cost too much,
And I could hear that produce wagon on the street,
I could hear that farmer singing,
As I cried myself to sleep
I got ba-na-na, watermelon, peaches by the pound,
Sweet corn, mirleton, mo’ better than in town,
I got okra, enough to choke ya,
Beans of every kind,
If hungry is what’s eatin’ you
I’ll sell you peace of mind,
But this ain’t what you came to hear me say,
And I hate to disappoint you,
But I got no love today,
I got no love today.
I got no love today,
No love today”
So, yeah, I had no love that day when I walked to our mailbox to find that letter. I did not open the letter, but I could feel the ring in that I had given her to wear, which she did around her neck.
I stuck the letter in the bottom drawer of my bedroom dresser, underneath some clothes that I rarely wore. I knew it would be safe and nobody would find it. Then I took a long walk across the field, through some woods, and hid under some brush along the Nooksack River and cried myself almost to sleep. I stayed there for hours. Daylight turned into dusk before I left for the long walk back home
“I could not love to save myself
From lonesome desperation.
Everything I thought was love
Was worthless imitation.
My concept of commitment
Was to take all you could give,
I thought the cheapest thrills I loved
Were teachin’ me to live,
But nothin’ seemed to last or see me through
Nothin’ but that little song
That I still sing for you.
I got ba-na-na, watermelon, peaches by the pound,
Sweet corn, mirleton, mo’ better than in town,
I got okra, enough to choke ya,
Beans of every kind,
If hungry is what’s eatin’ you
I’ll sell you peace of mind,
But this ain’t what you came to hear me say,
And I hate to disappoint you,
But I got no love today,
I got no love today,
I got no love today,
No love today”
I can’t remember now how long that letter remained under my clothes and unopened. But it may have been nearly a month before I could bring myself to reach in, bring it out in the fresh air and open it. I don’t know what she wrote now, but it was gentle as she could be, and she was a gentle person. But the words hit me hard and after re-reading it a second time, I ripped it to shred and threw it in the garbage.
It was over.
“No love today, none tomorrow,
Not now, not forever.
You can’t see what comes for free,
I think you much too clever,
For your own good I will tell you
What’s right before your eyes,
Intelligence is no defense
Against what this implies,
In the end no one will sell you what you need,
You can’t buy it off the shelf,
You got to grow it from the seed.”
I did find love again. But only after pocking my ring and swearing I would never wear it again. And I didn’t. Each morning when I rose, I would pocket that ring. I felt like she was still with me if I did that.
Then one morning I awoke and discovered the ring was gone. It was probably two years into my little secret. I was devastated. I don’t know how I lost it, but it was gone just like my first love, never to return.
“I got ba-na-na, watermelon, peaches by the pound,
Sweet corn, mirleton, mo’ better than in town,
I got okra, enough to choke ya,
Beans of every kind,
If hungry is what’s eatin’ you
I’ll sell you peace of mind,
But this ain’t what you came to hear me say,
And I hate to disappoint you,
But I got no love today,
I got no love today,
I got no love today,
No love today”
Sadness comes and goes. I was sad for a long time. And it just wasn’t the lost of that first love, but other things in my life at the time that I have often wrote about. Life is funny that way. Some days the sun shines bright and other days it ‘s cloudy and gray all day. You just cope the best you can and try to move forward.
Be well pal.
Be careful out there.
Have a great day.
You are loved.