TERRY MOSHER
I was really emotionally slapped around by the movie La La Land because I could relate to the ending in which the two leading characters acknowledge with just a small smile what they together had dreamed to accomplish even though in doing so it separated them and cost them the love they felt for each other.
That movie does not parallel my own life, although in some ways it does. I had a major upheaval in my life at an early age and that has left its mark on me all these years later. In fact, I often wonder what I would be like if that would not have happen.
I suspect we all have had some kind of abrupt change that puts us on a different path and we all can then wonder what if that would not have happened what we would be like.
What I do know is that in a call I made to one of my brothers to remind him that 37 years ago to the day (January 9) is when our dad died that I ended up unloading a brief history of what I call my “Dark Years” on my sister-in-law. She listened politely and was understanding.
I get it when somebody, after listening to me, says, well, maybe that was God’s plan for you all along. And, yes, that is a possibility. But I still wonder what I would have been like if in 1952 my mother had not died when I was 12 and a year later my dad had not remarried and at the same time we had moved from New York State to this state as part of a job transfer.
What if I had stayed in New York and lived with my older sister and her young family? I had wanted to do that. In fact, I insisted upon it. My father objected and tried hard to convince me of the move.
I stuck to my guns and dad, frustrated with my stubbornness, contrived with my brother Dave, three years older than me, to sway me. Dave was not going to go, either, but my dad promised him if he would go and then didn’t like he could come back to New York and finish his senior year at his old high school.
The kicker was that Dad knew I would follow Dave.
And I did.
Three weeks after we arrived in this state and enrolled in high school, Dave departed back to New York, leaving me alone with a blended family. I was not wanted by my stepmother and I suffered the consequences with emotional abuse that led me to begin my “Dark Years.”
So what would have become of me if I had not been taken in by my dad’s conspiracy and stayed behind in New York? First, I don’t blame my dad. He did what he thought was right, and I loved him to death. And in death, I still love him. He was a giant of a man, and very powerful, but also a very gentle soul.
Staying behind would have allowed me to continue the rising academic and athletic ark that I on. I was a fairly good student in the classroom (exception was art class. I was horrible in art) and for my age was the best all-around athlete in my school.
I suspect – no, I know – I would have been the quarterback on the football team, probably as a sophomore since Dave was the QB his senior year. I had a great arm. I could throw the football 70 yards even then as a little guy ( about 5-2, as a freshman), was the leading guard (we didn’t call them a point guard, back then, but that is what I was) and second-leading scorer on the eighth-grade basketball team, and was a good fielder, tremendous hitter and had that good arm for baseball.
I had learned sports from my three older and very athletic brothers – Ray, Ron and Dave. They did not take it easy on me and I quickly figured out if I was to play in their pickup games I would have to learn how to get an edge because I was smaller and I would have to accept the pain in order to get better.
So what would have happened in my high school years at my old school?
I don’t have a doubt that I would have made a good high school quarterback. When I was in the eighth grade, I was the junior varsity QB. Coach had given all of us a test on the playbook and I got the highest grade, and that included all the varsity players. I knew the playbook front and back and was a respected leader who would be the last of four athletic Moshers that would play at the school.(Ron was just inducted into the school’s fairly new Wall of Fame and Dave is on the short list for induction).
I would have been a linebacker on defense. And since I was nearly 6-5 at full growth, I would have had a physical impact in games. I was not afraid of getting hit or hitting and was football smart so I could figure out things. I was not the quickest or fastest, but I was not slow either.
In basketball, I probably would have made my biggest impact. The school changed coaches a year after I was gone and that would have hurt me a little because I was well thought of by the old coach.
I was about 6-4 and an inch away from my full growth in high school, but I would have insisted on being the point guard. I learned the game from out front because I was always the smallest while playing with and against my brothers and their friends.
My brother Dave held the single game and career scoring records when he graduated (he is now 11th on the list) and I feel I would have surpassed him by the time I had graduated in 1958.
There were some talented classmates at my old school and we would likely have been contenders for the postseason. A couple of my former classmates grew to be 6-5 and we had a guard who was a year behind me who would go on to have a wonderful career, topping the team in scoring and steals.
In baseball, I would not pitch. I didn’t like to pitch, although I threw the ball extremely hard. I would have made a good shortstop or outfielder and would have been a great hitter. I played semi-pro baseball in this state and had a great eye and was always able to swing a good bat.
But what would have happened to me after high school?
That is the question I have wrestled with for years without getting an answer. Our school was small and I don’t know if I was capable enough to play college ball. Maybe at a small school I could have played a little basketball and baseball, but college recruiters did not find their way to our small town nestled long the Pennsylvania border and among the Allegheny foothills so it’s doubtful that I would have had any offers.
That would have left me few options. I did go to school back at Alfred Tech for nearly two years, and perhaps I would have walked-on to the basketball team there. But by the time I went to school there, I had quit playing sports and was far behind those that did. It would have been difficult, though not impossible, for me to compete and play.
One does not know – certainly I don’t – what social interaction back there would have done to change my life’s trajectory. That is the big unknown, and it will remain unknown.
I know that I was told by telepathy means in the fifth grade that I would marry Mary and when I met Mary it was in this state and not in New York. So then the question that begs to be answered is was it God’s direction all along that I be pushed to this state and that there was no way I could have stayed behind in the first place?
If so, no amount of wondering on my part will ever help because I was likely under the influence of divine intervention all the time
So, to take this one step further, I’m living according to God’s plan, right?
That makes one wonder, too.
I suspect it won’t be terribly long before I find out when I cross back over to the other side.
That’s enough for today. I’m going to take my son to his work and then head out to the YMCA to get in a little workout.
Be well pal.
Be careful out there.
Have a great day.
You are loved.